Parents have a million and one things to think about every day.  Am I feeding my kids the right food? Am I prepared for school tomorrow?  How will I ever get all the washing done?  Are my kids playing enough? Are my kids learning enough? Did I discipline the right way?  Have I got all the school events in the calendar? What is for tea tonight? When will I be able to do the shopping? Did I spend enough time with my child today?

Parent carers have all these things to think about and a whole raft of extra issues and questions. Did I make the medical appointment? How do I make arrangements in order to attend the appointment? Did I do enough therapy with my child today, physiotherapy, speech and language, occupational therapy, sensory programme? How can I make sure food meets their needs? How do I regulate my child after school? What will today bring? Have I ordered this month’s prescription? Keeping up to date with the law and guidance. Your child’s needs become the centre of your world.

Being a parent carer can take a significant toll on you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Your needs go on the back burner, exhaustion is common and for me was a key issue. The mental noise of constant questions is overwhelming. Your mind can be full to bursting, you turn to fight or flight responses to situations.

Around two years ago, I yet again found myself at rock bottom, exhausted, overwhelmed, struggling daily. It was at this point I discovered mindfulness, I had heard it mentioned a number of times before but couldn’t believe it would help. I tried anyway, I attended a course, and if nothing else it was an hour a week just for me, scheduled in, spending time with other parents who understood the difficulties.

Mindfulness is something that now permeates my whole day, I practise at every opportunity, and like any other skill the more I practise the better I get at it. But what is mindfulness? It is about being fully present in the moment, in the here and now.  It is finding moments of calm. It has been proven to have an effect on so many things; reduction of stress, decrease anxiety, improve physical health, better quality sleep, improve focus and awareness, better problem solving, more compassion and kindness and stronger relationships.

There are a number of ways to practise mindfulness and what works for one may not work for another; it is worth trying things to find out what works for you. I use short simple techniques I can easily fit into my day. Life is hectic and you are much more likely to do something that is accessible and practical for your life.  It is a broad subject, here are a few things that have worked for me and I use on a daily basis.

A great starting point and something I use every day is your own breathing.  A few deep breaths can make all the difference in a number of situations, but go deeper and the effect multiplies, be aware of your breath, how does it feel? How long are your breaths? How do you breathe?  Is it through your nose or mouth? Deeply with your whole body, or shallow with your chest? Noticing is the first step.

I find awareness of your senses a great tool too.  A really simple exercise is to sit and think about each of the senses in the moment, maybe in the garden. What do you see, hear, feel, smell and taste? Or try focussing on one or two senses; next time you’re having a cup of tea or coffee or even water, really savour it, how does it smell? How does it feel in your mouth? How does it taste? Really experience the moment.

Meditation is an integral part of mindfulness, it requires practice and felt a bit weird to me at first, and I now aim to meditate at least once a day even if it is only for five minutes. I like guided meditations, I still struggle to do nothing and these really work for me. If you haven’t tried before maybe look for a body scan type meditation. I find it a good way to draw a line in the sand if I am struggling with a situation.

I have found that having mindfulness incorporated into my day, along with changes to my mindset and improved self-care has benefited the whole household. My ability to deal with the challenges is stronger. I feel I can parent and care for my children in a more mindful, calmer way. 

Why not try a little bit of mini mindfulness today? If you are a parent carer or would like more positivity on your Facebook wall please have a look at Dancing in the Rain.

Dancing in the Rain www.facebook.com/dancingintherainuk